The Holiday Potluck

santa elvisThe Holiday Potluck

It’s that time of year, folks. The season of Company Parties and The Holiday Potluck. Since I’m the daydreaming type, I imagined this conversation held by the water cooler by any number of organizations:

Supervisor:  “Let’s discuss the theme for our holiday party.”

Worker #1: “We could have a zombie apocalypse party and pretend we’re the clients.”

Worker #2: “We can have a redneck party and pretend we’re the clients.”

Worker #3:  “We can do a reality show party like “Breaking Bad” and pretend we’re the clients.”

Supervisor: “Look. If it weren’t for our clients than we wouldn’t have a job.”

Worker #4:  “Or grant funding and paychecks.”

Worker #5:  “Or health insurance.”

Worker #6:  “Or potluck theme parties.”

Worker #7: “Okay. I’ll bring the macaroni salad.”

Worker #8: “I’ll bring my favorite cardboard flavored gluten-free cookies.”

Worker #9: “I’m giving birth that day. I won’t be here.”

Supervisor: “You gave birth on last year’s holiday party day.”

Worker #9: “I have a resilient uterus.”

Worker #11: “Just like our clients.”

Worker #12:  “You can do your own reality show called, ‘Breaking Bad Placenta.’”

Worker #13: “Or ‘Breaking Bad Gas’.”

Supervisor: “Let’s have a reality show theme party for the holidays called, ‘Bad Santa’s’.”

Worker #14:  “Isn’t that politically incorrect?”

Supervisor: “There’s nothing political about it. Unless the Bad Santa’s emit bad gas.”

Worker: 14: “I’ll bring green jello.”

Worker #12:  “I’ll bring red velvet cake.”

Worker #9:  “I’ll bring my brother.”

Worker #7: “Family members are not allowed.”

Worker #9:  “My brother plays Santa in the Sleaze Strip Mall every year. I assure you, he’s pretty bad.”

Worker #6: “Bad as in badass, which is good, or bad as in smells bad and gets food in his beard which he picks off and eats?”

Worker #9:  “Bad as a Santa that is an Elvis impersonator. Please do not encourage him.”

Worker #2:  “Is he single?”

Worker #4:  “Kind of. If you count paying child support for two ex-wives.”

Supervisor: “I say we just dress up as our bad selves and bring red and green food.”

Worker #1: “Especially if it’s moldy from last year – like the food in our refrigerator upstairs next to Betty’s office. I think all the food in there is green.”

Worker #3:  “I’m turning green from this conversation.”

Worker #1:  “That’s perfect for a zombie apocalypse party!”

Worker #5:  “That sounds like my first husband. My whole marriage was a zombie apocalypse.”

Supervisor:  “So was the staff meeting last Tuesday.”

Worker #8: “Like my family reunions.”

Worker #4: “Like my bank account.”

Worker #1: “How can your bank account be like a zombie apocalypse?”

Worker #4: “My money has holes in it. It gets eaten up as soon as I get my paycheck.”

Supervisor: “Very funny. I say it’s time we end this meeting and go back to work. I believe we accomplished what we needed to.”

Worker #8: “Will the holiday party be in the conference room again? I think the mold was cleaned out of the crevices recently. I saw only one mouse there a month ago.”

Silence

Supervisor: “I say we bring our party to Worker #9 during hospital visiting hours.”

Worker: #3: “Bad placentas, here we come! Great name for a rock group!”

Worker: #6: “I’m middle aged. I gave my uterus to science long ago. Happy me and happy holidays, people!”

 

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