Do you make New Year’s Resolutions every year only to give up on them Jan. 2? I know I have.
So I consulted a life coach to help me keep my resolve. Meet Ursula.
Ursula: I would not make any revolutions if I was you.
Me: You mean resolutions?
Ursula: That’s what I said – revelations.
Me: Are you saying that I should not set any goals for myself?
Ursula: You scored a goal? It’s about time! Good for you!
Me: You’re sounding a little tipsy, Ursula.
Did you have too much to drink on New Year’s Eve?
Ursula: Where’s Eve? I’ve been looking for her everywhere!
Me: This conversation is going nowhere. Maybe I don’t need a life
coach after all. I resolve to make decisions on my own this year!
Ursula: But you hired me to help you stick to your guns!
There’s a new law about that now. Are you fit to own one?
Me: I live in Alaska. This is the land of hunting and wildlife.
Don’t mess with our right to self-defense!
Ursula: Wildlife? In your dreams, Hillary! I’ve read your
social calendar. It’s more effective than counting sheep!
Me: Hey, that’s a cheap shot, Ursula.
Ursula: Cheap, but direct! I’m a straight shooter, which was one of
your resolutions! But you’ll need to take lots of classes to achieve this!
Hey – I did a joke. Wasn’t one of your resolutions to be funnier?
Me: It was, until I wrote this script. Now I realize why I’m in a script
writing group! I need all the help I can get!
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of making resolutions and not sticking to them! It’s like starting a diet: it’s so easy for the first five minutes, especially before you get out of bed.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to not compulsively check Facebook five times a day. Life used to be so much simpler before our world was overcome by social media. Perhaps I should call it social immediate – we have to read this NOW! Post this NOW! Respond to everything NOW!
It used to be that it was just my grandmother who was interested in what I ate for lunch – when I was five. Now it has to be photographed and posted on a thousand Facebook walls for the whole world to digest. Why do we think that everyone cares what we had for lunch? I’m becoming so cranky at times because of my time being compulsively sucked out of my life (by my own doing) that I don’t even care what I have for lunch anymore!
Oh, I forgot – I had resolved to skip lunch for the next 12 months…!