New Year’s Resolutions

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions every year only to give up on them Jan. 2? I know I have.

So I consulted a life coach to help me keep my resolve. Meet Ursula.

Ursula:           I would not make any revolutions if I was you.

Me:                You mean resolutions?

Ursula:           That’s what I said – revelations.

Me:                Are you saying that I should not set any goals for myself?

Ursula:           You scored a goal? It’s about time! Good for you!

Me:                You’re sounding a little tipsy, Ursula.

Did you have too much to drink on New Year’s Eve?

Ursula:           Where’s Eve? I’ve been looking for her everywhere!

Me:               This conversation is going nowhere. Maybe I don’t need a life

coach after all. I resolve to make decisions on my own this year!

Ursula:           But you hired me to help you stick to your guns!

There’s a new law about that now. Are you fit to own one?

Me:                I live in Alaska. This is the land of hunting and wildlife.

Don’t  mess with our right to self-defense!

Ursula:           Wildlife? In your dreams, Hillary! I’ve read your

social calendar. It’s more effective than counting sheep!

Me:                Hey, that’s a cheap shot, Ursula.

Ursula:           Cheap, but direct! I’m a straight shooter, which was one of

your resolutions! But you’ll need to take lots of classes to achieve this!

Hey – I  did a joke. Wasn’t one of your resolutions to be funnier?

Me:                It was, until I wrote this script. Now I realize why I’m in a script

writing group! I need all the help I can get!

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of making resolutions and not sticking to them! It’s like starting a diet: it’s so easy for the first five minutes, especially before you get out of bed.

I’veNew Year's funny picture decided that the answer to this dilemma is to resolve never to make any more resolutions, unless of course it’s a Monday morning or Dec.31st of any year.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to not compulsively check Facebook five times a day. Life used to be so much simpler before our world was overcome by social media. Perhaps I should call it social immediate – we have to read this NOW! Post this NOW! Respond to everything NOW!

It used to be that it was just my grandmother who was interested in what I ate for lunch – when I was five. Now it has to be photographed and posted on a thousand Facebook walls for the whole world to digest. Why do we think that everyone cares what we had for lunch? I’m becoming so cranky at times because of my time being compulsively sucked out of my life (by my own doing) that I don’t even care what I have for lunch anymore!

Oh, I forgot – I had resolved to skip lunch for the next 12 months…!

 

Be Sociable, Share!
Post Tagged with
Latest Blog Post Latest Tweets Tags:
  • Conflicted Karaoke
  • A Senior Olympic Inspiration Despite the Truth of My Current Baby Boomer Athletic Status
  • The Daylight Savings Time of Aging – A sampling of “Boomer Haiku and More Random Silliness”
  • The Holiday Potluck
  • The Horticulture Lottery
  • Fish on!
  • Oh, Go Take a Hike! (I Actually Did!)
  • The Voice – A Tribute to Big Mitch
  • Weathering In Like a Lion, Out Like an Indecisive Lamb
  • The Lindsey Lohan Reality Show
  • New Year’s Resolutions
  • baby boomers contests pot technology parenting stress teacher joints summer social nature elvis ballot measure #2 microphones outside family stress parenting social media Poetry hiking Charlo Greene weather Thanksgiving dinner stress prayer Millers Riverboat Service parenting humor relationship humor reality shows spring lice karaoke holiday Haiku signs of stress hair head rolls breakups marketing salmon success relationships Christmas holiday stress journal holiday stress food olympic games mentor potluck Susan Boyle seniors singing exercise marijuana winter Boomer Lindsey Lohan humor tribute fishing pinkeye holidays fall family dinners blog New Year's Resolutions cannabis anxiety Britain's Got Talent parenting martyrs Guilt